Boy oh boy

Milo Averon Hanada

ETA: February 2012!

I'll admit when I found out I was pregnant there were a glimpse of hope I'd have a daughter. I can't bypass the allure of adorable dresses, stockings and pigtails. Mostly, the relationship with my mom is something I treasure and hoped to pass on. There were also fantasies about tea parties, spa days and shared stories and secrets between a mother and daughter. And I can't help feeling a pang of jealousy when I see a little girl Collin's age sitting quiet at a restaurant coloring while our kid bounces off the walls.

And this is it, there will be no "trying" until we get a girl. Unless something crazy happens, this baby is our last.

A part of me mourns for the daughter I'll never have. Yet, when I found out we were having another boy, I wasn't disappointed or sad. With Collin I realize how fun it is to raise a son. Sword fights, pirate fantasies, sticky fingers, and muddy shoes are all a part of life now.

There's also something nice about having kids of the same gender. This may be pure fantasy, but as they get older, they'll probably have more in common than a brother/sister. Hopefully they'll play together, build forts together, wrestle dad together and share a special bond.

I'm sure they'll also try to kill each other.

The pragmatic side of me realizes savings on clothes and toys. Sorry Milo, you'll be getting lots of hand-me-downs.

My mom also tells me that while my brother required a lot more energy as a kid, I was more emotionally draining as I got older and "harder." Boys (and yes I'm doing sweeping generalizations) tend to be boisterous and wild but they're generally less evasive. Speaking from experience here, girls can be two-faced, cliquish and catty.

Still, part of me thinks about the future. About what happens when Collin and his brother pass the little boy phase where crying in public is okay. Boys face expectations made by society. They are expected to act like "men." They might be full of rage or sorrow but hold their feelings in, whereas girls are expected to be more open. Boys are more likely to act like daredevils (there's a reason car insurance is more expensive for teenage boys) and pull stupid stunts and convince themselves they are invincible. I also start to get an anxiety attack as I think about all the issues with public/traditional schools. I don't want my boys to be forced to sit in a classroom with little recess and cuts in PE. I don't want them to be labeled "bad" because they don't want to sit still for hours.

Mike and I will do our best to instill values in our boys, to raise them to respect themselves and others. To be kind and to be true. They'll also have strong female role-models in their life (there will be no equity questions in this family!)

I want my boys to know that as they get older, it's okay to show their feelings, to cry, to be themselves. I want them to know that even when they're way past the holding-their-mom's hand, giving-her-a-big-wet-kiss-in-public phase, I'll be there.