Mister Independent

How did this happen?

Just six months ago Collin could barely take his shirt off without getting frustrated. Now he sleeps in a twin bed, wakes up, goes downstairs, gets himself a piece of fruit and navigates the I-pad to watch cartoons on Netflix. (Graciously allowing mom and dad to sleep in a little). And today, he surprised me by getting dressed completely on his own and even picked out an outfit that somewhat matched.

Not a baby. Not a toddler. The chunky little body and long blond curls replaced by a wiry, handsome little boy.

I'm not one of those moms that gets sad as he grows up, rather I'm excited to help my little bird learn to fly. As he gets older, Collin has gotten more interesting and fun.

Truth is, I'm just not a "baby person." Don't get me wrong, those first smiles, coos and chubby legs are irresistible. But I can't help but to imagine all the fun trips and activities we can do as a family as the boys grow up. It's a bit terrifying to think we'll essentially be starting over with a baby in, gasp, about four months. And as much as I'll try to relish the moment and watch our new little one discover all his firsts, I'm excited about the future and all the possibilities.

I will miss the absolute cuteness and randomness of age three. Collin is inquisitive, creative with a limitless imagination and oozing with sweetness. At the same time he can be tyrannical and pushy if you get in his way. All in all, as much as I've whined about how hard my (not mellow) kid can be, I so appreciate his personality and the way he can happily live in a world of make-believe without needing my absolute attention. I'm not worried about Collin making friends or hiding in the shadows. I'm pretty confident this is going to be a kid (and an adult) that goes after what he wants and doesn't wait for things to happen.

Boy oh boy

Milo Averon Hanada

ETA: February 2012!

I'll admit when I found out I was pregnant there were a glimpse of hope I'd have a daughter. I can't bypass the allure of adorable dresses, stockings and pigtails. Mostly, the relationship with my mom is something I treasure and hoped to pass on. There were also fantasies about tea parties, spa days and shared stories and secrets between a mother and daughter. And I can't help feeling a pang of jealousy when I see a little girl Collin's age sitting quiet at a restaurant coloring while our kid bounces off the walls.

And this is it, there will be no "trying" until we get a girl. Unless something crazy happens, this baby is our last.

A part of me mourns for the daughter I'll never have. Yet, when I found out we were having another boy, I wasn't disappointed or sad. With Collin I realize how fun it is to raise a son. Sword fights, pirate fantasies, sticky fingers, and muddy shoes are all a part of life now.

There's also something nice about having kids of the same gender. This may be pure fantasy, but as they get older, they'll probably have more in common than a brother/sister. Hopefully they'll play together, build forts together, wrestle dad together and share a special bond.

I'm sure they'll also try to kill each other.

The pragmatic side of me realizes savings on clothes and toys. Sorry Milo, you'll be getting lots of hand-me-downs.

My mom also tells me that while my brother required a lot more energy as a kid, I was more emotionally draining as I got older and "harder." Boys (and yes I'm doing sweeping generalizations) tend to be boisterous and wild but they're generally less evasive. Speaking from experience here, girls can be two-faced, cliquish and catty.

Still, part of me thinks about the future. About what happens when Collin and his brother pass the little boy phase where crying in public is okay. Boys face expectations made by society. They are expected to act like "men." They might be full of rage or sorrow but hold their feelings in, whereas girls are expected to be more open. Boys are more likely to act like daredevils (there's a reason car insurance is more expensive for teenage boys) and pull stupid stunts and convince themselves they are invincible. I also start to get an anxiety attack as I think about all the issues with public/traditional schools. I don't want my boys to be forced to sit in a classroom with little recess and cuts in PE. I don't want them to be labeled "bad" because they don't want to sit still for hours.

Mike and I will do our best to instill values in our boys, to raise them to respect themselves and others. To be kind and to be true. They'll also have strong female role-models in their life (there will be no equity questions in this family!)

I want my boys to know that as they get older, it's okay to show their feelings, to cry, to be themselves. I want them to know that even when they're way past the holding-their-mom's hand, giving-her-a-big-wet-kiss-in-public phase, I'll be there.

Almost halfway there

Today I'm exactly 18 weeks. The baby is the size of a bell pepper and looks like a miniature newborn according to the iphone app that tells me about my growing belly.

I think it's pretty obvious I look pregnant by now but I definitely get that double check and hesitation to ask, as in is she just guzzling a lot of beer or... Second trimester feels better than the first but I'm still tired. Mainly because Collin has decided to wake up before 6am and then on other mornings my brain is just programmed to wake up early. I'm feeling more and more movement which is definitely my favorite part of pregnancy though it's still pretty sporadic at this point.

Keeping up with aerobic type workouts is getting harder. I've been having these fun Braxton-hicks contractions consistently for the past several weeks (practice contractions where your stomach expands as hard as a rock and feels pretty damn uncomfortable) so the doctor said to take it easy. Figure I'll keep running, just shorter distances with spurts of walking. Another fun thing about pregnancy is as I run my stomach pushes down on my bladder and it feels like I'm going to burst after thirty minutes. But I don't want to give up running until I know it doesn't feel good anymore . When you work so hard to get to the point where five miles is a breeze it kind of sucks to have to start over after pregnancy. I'm hoping my body remembers! I'm also trying to find time for a prenatal swim class and do a pilates DVD a couple times a week.

It may sound like I'm obsessing over exercise but if I don't work out I get stir crazy and mean (just ask Mike)! The voracious appetite is also taking over but I'm trying not to overdo it. No heartburn this time. Luckily most of the stuff I crave is pretty healthy--falafel, fruit, hummus, oatmeal, avocado. Ice cream and sweets don't really interest me. And to be stereotypical peanut butter and pickles are go-to snacks (sometimes together--don't judge).

We get the official word boy or girl in a couple weeks though we're pretty sure there was a penis in view at our last ultrasound and since Mike's genes don't seem capable of carrying anything but males we're expecting a little brother for Collin. I'm hoping maybe this baby will be a little calmer and more cautious than our daredevil but not holding my breath.

The realization has also hit that we're going to have to just deal with two kiddos in this house temporarily and wait until next spring to list. The bedrooms will be a little cramped but I know there are families that deal with way smaller living arrangements so we can't complain too much. Mike won't have to kill himself working to finish the house in the next month and we'll have more money in the bank so hopefully we can go for our dream house as opposed to settling. Right now we could most likely afford a brand new house in the burbs. But we're city dwellers at heart and inevitability we'll probably end up sticking around NE Portland but move to a nicer neighborhood with good schools. It's hard to imagine giving up all the restaurants, shops and quirks of inner-city life. We also have parks around every corner and lots of families. The downside of inner-city life is crime and gang violence are not too far away. And finding a brand new house in this area is almost impossible--I am not someone who romanticizes over the character of older homes but the only new houses around here seem to either be way above our price range or skinny infill lots with no yard. Overall, we're happy here. As long as we find an updated home in a neighborhood that Collin and his sib can play outside without me having to be a hawk it'll be all good.

Yo ho, yo ho

Collin's obsession with pirates has not waned. He loves to build pirate ships with his blocks and he's the captain of any play structure. He now has two swords (but sticks also work) which he uses to fight crocodiles, Captain Hook and any other bad guys that get in his way.

So of course we had to take our little matey to the Pirate Festival in St. Helens. The Pirate Festival was complete with grown-ups and families in full pirate regalia. We're talking costumes that looked like they came off a movie set. It was a 90 degree day so the men and women in long sleeves, heavy pants and jackets get props for dedication. Or geekdome...

There were cannons blasting off, games for kids, live music and bounce houses that Collin was immediately drawn to. We found a skull cap with for Collin as well as some more action figures and toys and a Jolly Roger flag to hang up on the new balcony off of Collin's room. He also got to take a picture with "Zombie Pirate." Some kids might be scared by the creepy skeletal face, but not our Collin. He loves creepy crawlies, monsters and all that is morbid.

He sat still for a skull and crossbones to be painted on his face, one that he did not want to wash off for a day. We were ready to go after a few hours of pounding heat and Collin was one worn kiddo who fell asleep promptly in the car. The only thing that would've made the Pirate Festival even better was combining it with the pirate ships we saw earlier this summer. But as Collin still talks about it, I think it was definitely a memorable experience.

Of course stay tuned for Halloween. I think it's pretty obvious what Collin will be dressing up as.