ONE YEAR!!

At this time last year, I was at the hospital, drugged out of my mind snuggled next to a pink faced, wriggly little creature named Collin.

I'd love to give you a thesis statement of what I've learned so far as a parent. Something neat and tight that explains it all but that's just not gonna happen. Parenthood is more exhausting, more challenging and more rewarding than I could've imagined. The romantic notion I had as a little girl playing with my "baby", rocking him gently to sleep, teaching him while he cooed and smiled, met reality with a screaming, pooping, constantly needing baby. Part of me feels lobotomized by motherhood. It's hard not to lose yourself when you're no longer independent. Now you're someone's mother. It's the most important job I'll ever have and it's easy to forget about what once mattered so much. But without Collin, life would be muted.

Having a child has inspired me to try and make the world a better place little by little (cheesy as it sounds). B.C., I didn't care so much about stuff like sustainability, reusable grocery bags, organic foods. But when I look at him, I want there to be something good tomorrow. So even if it's as small as composting, getting the "hippie bags" and making regular visits to the farmer's market, I figure maybe it'll leave some sort of impression.

Most of all, I've learned to try and see things through Collin's eyes. Little pleasures in life are too often forgotten. With Collin, everything is bright and new and he soaks it all in. The reflection of light bouncing from the window brings a huge smile across his face, or a waterfall causes a look of complete awe.

I know this is just a small preview of what's to come (and physically I imagine one of the most difficult parts of parenthood). Hopefully we're a little prepared now. A little wiser...I wish I had some sage words of wisdom I could give away to someone who wants to know what it's like to be a parent. But it's like my mom always told me. It will be nothing like you thought. And it'll be a different experience for everyone.

Now onto the Birthday Boy. Here's what I had to say of Collin's likes and dislikes in those early, early days:

Likes:
Nipples (sadly, he has discovered that only mom's leads to a result)

Being held

Snuggling with mom and dad in bed

Swaddling

The swing

Mirrors

Sleeping

Peeing on mom and dad when we change him

Dislikes:
Being changed

Clothing

The act of swaddling

Sponge baths

Now to the comparisons:

Likes:
Trying to leap off the bed and attack the lights (days of co-sleeping are long, gone)

Food, lots and lots of food. Collin will eat just about anything now so long as it's not too spicy. His favorites are chicken, turkey, cheese, garden burgers, pasta (especially spaghetti), bread, potatoes (especially sweet potatoes), any kind of fruit (especially blueberries!) He's also taken to milk which is much cheaper than formula thankfully!

Playing! He's starting to stack, he loves throwing toys and riding in his firetruck with help. Being swung by mom and dad. His toys that make noise, his blocks, magnets. He's already good at sharing with his friends at daycare.
Music. He's starting to rock to the beat. We're not big kiddie music people so he gets to listen to classic rock, alternative/indie, folk and classical.

Books. He throws his favorites on our lap (loves Where is Baby's Belly Button)

Bath time is not like the initial sponge baths we attempted...He has his own ducky tub and splashes and grabs onto his toys (and err his other favorite toy that is attached permanently).

Mirrors are still a big hit. Collin is a ham!

Walks in the stroller. He will completely chill and mellow out. He likes to look around and take in everything.

Blue Dog: His stuffed animal courtesy of Uncle Devin is his best friend. He chews on him, sleeps with him soundly and likes to bring him everywhere. Blue also starts to smell pretty funky so finding a way to clean him without upsetting the wee one can be a bit of a challenge...

Dislikes:
Being by himself...Definitely gregarious, Collin loves to play with others. Leaving him alone while you're say trying to do something as offensive as cook dinner will result in banshee screams.

Being changed. Still not a fan of this one although he doesn't scream every time. Forcing a shirt over his head can also be like torture to Collin. It's now his favorite "game" to crawl away super fast while you try to put an outfit or diaper on him.

That's about it. He's a very happy guy, though dramatic (payback says my mom). I think we'll be dealing with a high energy tot. Yet he's also very sweet. I'm confident we're raising a kind little person who will face the world head-on.

11 Months!

In just one month, Collin won't really be considered a baby anymore...He already has the face of a toddler and one day soon we'll have to cut his sandy colored hair = sad mama.


Here's a rundown of the latest milestones:
*Clapping
*High-five
*Waving (and flails his hands excitedly)
*Has "word associations" of "Momma and dada" (meaning he says them when he sees us but will also say them randomly. Still it's pretty cool that whenever he sees me it's "mama" and nothing else.
*Makes lots of sounds and communicates--he throws his favorite books on my lap to read to him and gets excited about turning the pages. He lifts his arms when he wants to be picked up.
*Stands by himself (sometimes). He lets go in surprise and quickly grabs onto something.
*Pretty good at using the sippy cup. Sometime soon we'll need to make the transition to milk and eliminate the bottle (and the boob before Collin decides the need to rip off my shirt in public)

Collin jabbering

Ten Months!

That's it I've found it. The key to happiness, the key to a smile, is watching Collin clap. Cutest thing ever. When he did it the first time, Mike and I immediately clapped vigorously back. He squealed and repeated. Probably thinking, my crazy parents are so easily amused.

Besides clapping, at 10 months Collin is a mad cruiser and attempts to climb. I can tell this kid is going to be a risk taker. Like his birth sign proclaims, he is a fiery one. He's still doing great in day care and even made a little friend--11 month old Elise.

After talking to our early intervention hearing specialist, we decided to retire the hearing aid for a while. Because of the neuropathy in the ear with the loss, it may be amplifying the static noises that his brain processes (which would be annoying in the very least). It's such a rare disorder that no one can really tell us if the hearing aid is beneficial at this stage. Since he's developing right on track communication wise (loves to hear his voice and babbles, localizes and reacts to sounds), we decided that it's probably not necessary at this point. We also couldn't tell any difference with the aid. Collin will continue to get periodic hearing tests to monitor any changes and early intervention services for speech. We're confident he'll be just fine and hopefully things will get more clear in the future on what we can do to best help him.

It's surreal that in two months Collin will have been on this planet for a year and Mike and I survived as parents. I feel so lucky to share my life with this little person that has the biggest smile and the sweetest laugh.

Updates

Collin is cruising right along to his first birthday. He pulls himself up in a flash, babbles, spits, shrieks, you name it. He loves peek-a-boo and is beginning to imitate us (especially blowing raspberries). He also started daycare a couple days a week and is doing great so far. He's enamored with a little girl named Violet (You can check out photos from our wonderful day care provider's blog here and see Collin in action: http://notmybabyblog.blogspot.com/).

He seems to be going through some separation anxiety stuff and gives me the look of utter betrayal when I hand him off to someone else--even daddy. The kid still has an amazing lung capacity and I can hardly wait for the screaming, flailing tantrums he's bound to have in toddler hood. I'm surprised the Department of Human Services hasn't knocked on our door with the blood curdling shrieks coming from our house, combined with the bruises and scrapes that Collin seems to get on a daily basis during his adventures.

He's also quite the social butterfly. We've been going to some mom groups and he immediately ventures into the crowd of the other babies, touches their faces as if to say hello, squeals with delight, does not hesitate to explore, and is most definitely not the wallflower in the corner. (Note: I was the wallflower in the corner). There is nothing wrong with being shy and I've come to terms with the fact I'll never be comfortable around big groups of people and I am not the type to dive into a conversation... but I can't help to feel a little relief that it seems Collin is gregarious and did not inherit the sense of extreme caution that my parents observed I exhibited at an early age.

Sacrifices

Obviously you have to give up or maybe I should say "trade" many things when you have a child. No more late night bars, no more international jet setting, fancy nights out are rare and dropping in on friends just doesn't happen like it used to. But the hardest thing so far has been giving up our old pal, Murray. Murray is the sweetest fur ball. A beautiful golden chow mix who loved to play with the cats, he'd hang out at our feet and greet us when we came home with tail wagging, tongue out.

He had to sleep in our room and loved to stick his head on our laps. A great guard dog and all around sweetheart. Unfortunately with Collin crawling, Murray the big clumsy lug got overly excited and Mike and I nervously watched every move for fear of an accident. With Collin getting closer to walking, we were facing a few choices. Always lock Murray out and create an attention-starved dog that thought he did something wrong, risk him seriously hurting Collin, or find him a new home with a family (maybe older kids) that would give him the love he deserved.

So this morning, Mike went to Oregon Humane to see if he would be a good "fit" and after passing the behavior test, they kept him to adopt. I hope he doesn't wake up at night and wonder where his humans are. I hope he doesn't cry out too much. I hope he remembers the affection we gave him. Mostly I hope he finds a new home soon.

Goodbye old friend. We will miss you.

Giftapooloza (aka Christmas), a New Year and 9 Months

I've been a little behind in the blogging so here's a consolidated holiday/Collin update.

Our holiday plans were a little off kilter this year thanks to the snow anomaly but Collin still got to spend time with family and get overloaded with gifts. We barely made it to my parents--a fun adventure of Mike pushing the car and sloshing around on icy streets. But once there, we had a good time playing games and gorging ourselves on food (Collin had his first taste of beef in the form of filet mignon, he gobbled it all up).

From Collin's first Christmas

I can't help buying into American consumerism on Christmas. It's not the receiving but honestly the giving I love (though who can honestly say they don't like getting stuff). Memories of my stockings filled to the brim with the coolest toys that my mom would find made me want to repeat the tradition for Collin. Of course he's a little young to appreciate any of it now. The custom wood rattles from Germany held his interest for about a minute before he attempted to eat ribbon or pull the Christmas lights--general rule, if it has sharp edges or can cause possible electrocution, babies will love it.

A sampling of Collin's gifts: blocks, a train, wood stackers, plush dinosaur, bath time squirters, books, things that light up and make noise and blow balls, a wise college investment and of course clothes (he'll be styling until his 3rd birthday). A quick shout out to family: THANK YOU!! I may put a one gift quota on his birthday!










As much as Collin loves his toys that move and make noise, I must say it's nice when he plays with something where I don't have to worry about the batteries running out. I also prefer hearing the clack of wood as opposed to an off-key version of the ABC's. But I'm not one of these moms that refuses to allow her kid to play with Chinese made stuff or shops all organic. For one thing the light up toys maintain his attention and as annoying as they are, having mommy time keeps me sane. Plus, the sticker shock of "all natural" toys is a little ridiculous ($15 for a rattle, $50 for some blocks, really?).

Now onto the new year: Mike and I miraculously scored a babysitter and enjoyed a five-course dinner at Lincoln, one of the "hip" new restaurants in our 'hood. It was pretty good, worth a second try but a little overrated. We were planning on going to a party or doing something to ring in the new year, but ended up back at our house by 1130 (what can I say, we're old). We did stay up until midnight to hear what you'd think is a warzone with all the fireworks and honking.

It's obviously been a life-changing year. We started out 2008 dreaming and anticipating a new little person and ended it a whole lot wiser and also knowing we have much to learn.

Finally a Collin update: my little Fool's baby is 9 months old today. I can't believe in three months. THREE MONTHS. He will be a year old. He is pulling himself up to stand all the time now and occasionally lets go of both his hands in a baby dare. He squeals and makes lots of new sounds: maaa, daa, gaa. He has mastered so many finger foods: little pieces of toast, carrots, apples, pears, chicken. He has to be able to feed himself at every meal and is definitely on his way to becoming an independent little guy. To the contrast, he also seems to be getting some separation anxiety. When someone he isn't too familiar with picks him up he'll look at me with huge eyes like Mom why are you betraying me? He also sometimes does this with people he's very familiar with (including dad!) just because he wants mommy. In a way it's flattering and makes me feel wanted (though I don't know how much of it is the fact that I'm still a food source). It can also be annoying.

I imagine he'll be walking, then running soon. And we'll be chasing. I'm sure the next three months will fly by and soon my baby will be a toddler.