Ch-ch-changes

By now, it's no secret that I'm expecting a second baby. Currently I'm in week 12, past most of the exhaustion and overall blahness. Luckily I never got sick but did feel queasy and absolutely fatigued. Collin appeased me most of the time by taking naps with me on my non work days.

I'm excited, but it's different than last time. Last time, I obsessively hunted online for any symptom that seemed strange, I researched each stage of the growing baby's development and had mini freak outs about the huge undertaking ahead of us.

This time I'm a little more relaxed about the whole thing. I still revel in the fact that there is a growing human inside of me and that's just cool. But the mystery isn't as prominent and I just don't have the time to obsess about how my life will be different.

I mean, I work three days a week (or more), am mother to a wild three-year old and also try to fit in photography, cooking/baking, cleaning/household crap, and in the back of my mind am also telling myself I need to start writing for myself again.

To top it off, we're trying to fix up (I should say Mike is fixing) our house as fast as possible so we can get it on the market, sell and buy a new one all before the second baby makes an appearance. Our days consist of this: Mike comes home, works on the house until Collin goes to bed, we may have a brief conversation, but dinner together rarely happens. Weekend hikes, exploring, and enjoying the beautiful Pacific NW summer just isn't happening.

And I know it's temporary. That one day, we'll be in a new house, preferably a NEW house, that doesn't have numerous issues that suck our money and time. And can actually enjoy weekends together. And Collin and his sibling can ride their bikes down the street without me feeling like I have to watch every second.

For now, the baby that's growing inside of me is a passing thought that I'm reminded of when I get annoying braxton-hicks contractions, have to pee every half hour and well second time around, my belly is popping out earlier. Buttons and zippers are starting to feel like corsets and the stretchy pants are a must. I also know once I start feeling the flutters and kicks it will seem more real.

And as the time gets closer, freak-outs will happen. Mostly wondering how my life will be different with two kids. How to make sure Collin still feels loved but at the same time doesn't hurt the baby. How my career will be affected. Daycare. Money. But I have until around February to figure things out. Or to just let things fall where they may and hope it makes sense.

Because one thing I've learned in parenthood is nothing can really prepare you for what's to come.