Almost halfway there

Today I'm exactly 18 weeks. The baby is the size of a bell pepper and looks like a miniature newborn according to the iphone app that tells me about my growing belly.

I think it's pretty obvious I look pregnant by now but I definitely get that double check and hesitation to ask, as in is she just guzzling a lot of beer or... Second trimester feels better than the first but I'm still tired. Mainly because Collin has decided to wake up before 6am and then on other mornings my brain is just programmed to wake up early. I'm feeling more and more movement which is definitely my favorite part of pregnancy though it's still pretty sporadic at this point.

Keeping up with aerobic type workouts is getting harder. I've been having these fun Braxton-hicks contractions consistently for the past several weeks (practice contractions where your stomach expands as hard as a rock and feels pretty damn uncomfortable) so the doctor said to take it easy. Figure I'll keep running, just shorter distances with spurts of walking. Another fun thing about pregnancy is as I run my stomach pushes down on my bladder and it feels like I'm going to burst after thirty minutes. But I don't want to give up running until I know it doesn't feel good anymore . When you work so hard to get to the point where five miles is a breeze it kind of sucks to have to start over after pregnancy. I'm hoping my body remembers! I'm also trying to find time for a prenatal swim class and do a pilates DVD a couple times a week.

It may sound like I'm obsessing over exercise but if I don't work out I get stir crazy and mean (just ask Mike)! The voracious appetite is also taking over but I'm trying not to overdo it. No heartburn this time. Luckily most of the stuff I crave is pretty healthy--falafel, fruit, hummus, oatmeal, avocado. Ice cream and sweets don't really interest me. And to be stereotypical peanut butter and pickles are go-to snacks (sometimes together--don't judge).

We get the official word boy or girl in a couple weeks though we're pretty sure there was a penis in view at our last ultrasound and since Mike's genes don't seem capable of carrying anything but males we're expecting a little brother for Collin. I'm hoping maybe this baby will be a little calmer and more cautious than our daredevil but not holding my breath.

The realization has also hit that we're going to have to just deal with two kiddos in this house temporarily and wait until next spring to list. The bedrooms will be a little cramped but I know there are families that deal with way smaller living arrangements so we can't complain too much. Mike won't have to kill himself working to finish the house in the next month and we'll have more money in the bank so hopefully we can go for our dream house as opposed to settling. Right now we could most likely afford a brand new house in the burbs. But we're city dwellers at heart and inevitability we'll probably end up sticking around NE Portland but move to a nicer neighborhood with good schools. It's hard to imagine giving up all the restaurants, shops and quirks of inner-city life. We also have parks around every corner and lots of families. The downside of inner-city life is crime and gang violence are not too far away. And finding a brand new house in this area is almost impossible--I am not someone who romanticizes over the character of older homes but the only new houses around here seem to either be way above our price range or skinny infill lots with no yard. Overall, we're happy here. As long as we find an updated home in a neighborhood that Collin and his sib can play outside without me having to be a hawk it'll be all good.

Ch-ch-changes

By now, it's no secret that I'm expecting a second baby. Currently I'm in week 12, past most of the exhaustion and overall blahness. Luckily I never got sick but did feel queasy and absolutely fatigued. Collin appeased me most of the time by taking naps with me on my non work days.

I'm excited, but it's different than last time. Last time, I obsessively hunted online for any symptom that seemed strange, I researched each stage of the growing baby's development and had mini freak outs about the huge undertaking ahead of us.

This time I'm a little more relaxed about the whole thing. I still revel in the fact that there is a growing human inside of me and that's just cool. But the mystery isn't as prominent and I just don't have the time to obsess about how my life will be different.

I mean, I work three days a week (or more), am mother to a wild three-year old and also try to fit in photography, cooking/baking, cleaning/household crap, and in the back of my mind am also telling myself I need to start writing for myself again.

To top it off, we're trying to fix up (I should say Mike is fixing) our house as fast as possible so we can get it on the market, sell and buy a new one all before the second baby makes an appearance. Our days consist of this: Mike comes home, works on the house until Collin goes to bed, we may have a brief conversation, but dinner together rarely happens. Weekend hikes, exploring, and enjoying the beautiful Pacific NW summer just isn't happening.

And I know it's temporary. That one day, we'll be in a new house, preferably a NEW house, that doesn't have numerous issues that suck our money and time. And can actually enjoy weekends together. And Collin and his sibling can ride their bikes down the street without me feeling like I have to watch every second.

For now, the baby that's growing inside of me is a passing thought that I'm reminded of when I get annoying braxton-hicks contractions, have to pee every half hour and well second time around, my belly is popping out earlier. Buttons and zippers are starting to feel like corsets and the stretchy pants are a must. I also know once I start feeling the flutters and kicks it will seem more real.

And as the time gets closer, freak-outs will happen. Mostly wondering how my life will be different with two kids. How to make sure Collin still feels loved but at the same time doesn't hurt the baby. How my career will be affected. Daycare. Money. But I have until around February to figure things out. Or to just let things fall where they may and hope it makes sense.

Because one thing I've learned in parenthood is nothing can really prepare you for what's to come.

An Empty House

Mike and Collin went to Maui to visit Mike's grandpa. Now normally I'd be jealous, but they were just going for a few days and I sort of relished the thought of having some time to myself for FOUR DAYS. ahem. Lucky for Mike his parents were on the same flight and he'd have plenty of family in Maui to hang out with Collin. Of course he did have to share a room with him and sometimes squirmy two year olds don't make the best roommates. But they were in beautiful Maui just steps from the beach so I didn't feel too sorry for him.

One of the first things I did was clean the house. Yep. And the best part was it stayed that way for FOUR WHOLE DAYS. This is a record when you live with two mess makers, one who often has grimy hands and likes to smear things on walls, the floor, you name it. Seriously one day I dream that Mike will learn to wash his hands, ha. The floors sparked, the counters gleamed, oh yes it was glorious.

Then I got a massage. The massage therapist was awesome and actually applied pressure! None of that wimpy crap for this tough mama. I had knots that needed to be undone! There were some points I was breathing through pain but it was so worth it. I was high when I left. She said she could've worked on me for another hour. If only.

I also worked, fixed myself dinners that Mike and Collin won't eat and stayed up way past my bedtime watching Mad Men, True Blood and Project Runway. May seem mundane but it was a little bit sweet not to wake up to anyone or fix anyone's dinner, clean anyone's messes. This was clearly why I could stay up past midnight and not feel like a zombie.

But...the house did feel empty. And whenever I talked to Collin on the phone with his excited, shrieky little voice my throat tightened. I did miss my guys, but a few days of freedom. Well it's something every momma should be granted!